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Because we always had the same dress, sewed by our mother. Wherever I went, you had to go with me; playing outside, eating, taking a bath, watching TV and so on. Whenever we had a party or there’s an event in the house, mother would not let me help her in the chores. She would always tell me, “stay with your sister and that would be enough”. We were inseparable back then.
I grew-up looking after you like I had to do for my own self. It’s like I had two selves, since we only had two-years age gap. Being with you was like being alone with myself. So I had a lot of time to read books, watch movies and try writing.
Mother said you had your own separate world, and if someone wanted to understand you, they must enter into your world. And so I did.
At the early age, I learned how to train a one-year-old child to use spoon and fork when eating, to use the toilet when nature called, to get dressed, to combed hair after every shower, to sit properly.
You were that one-year-old.
I learned how to be responsible for other people because of you. You taught me how to take care of others without expecting something in return. You taught me to be patient, to be sensitive to other people’s need, to control my emotions, to always think ten times before doing something stupid. You taught me to be perfect, or at least act perfectly.
I think you’re lucky to have us, as a family. Aside from our parents, you have six sisters and brothers to look after you. It’s a good thing also that you’re the fifth child to be born out of seven children. At 41 years old, you are still our baby.
And so I thought.
For the last 6 months, you’ve had an ear infection that caused your head to develop sores and made you completely lose your hair. The regular visits to hospitals, which give you stress and fear, that worsened your condition, have not been easy.
These things are all new to you, and to us, too. We never thought this would come.
HOW DO WE LOVE THEE?
Are you really lucky to have us?
We isolated you from the world we lived in. None of us took the initiative to put in school, to be trained by professionals or medical experts regarding your condition. We took your freedom to lived a normal life, or at least learned how to take care of yourself, to freely expressed what you wanted.
First, maybe you will be asking me why I named you name of a boys.
This was because I wanted you all to have a balance perspective of the human race. But in reality, your mother just playing mysterious.
Second, the picture of the boy from my old photo album during my high school years was not just a friend. He was my first love, I told you that I will tell you his name when you’ve grow-up.
” Dennis “.
Third, I confessed that me and dad was the one playing Santa Claus every Christmas. I’ve made all the stories every time you caught me wrapping toys. And somehow that made me practiced my creativity.
Fourth, I was a late bloomer. Your dad and I was married because you all came into our life unplanned. It scares me to death for having you.
Fifth, I never lied to you about the status of my relationship with your father.
Sixth, I hate it every time you asked me for help and all I can say was, you can do it on your own. It hurts me to teach you to not need me anymore.
Finally, my only goal as your mother is to raise you all that you don’t have to recover from your childhood.
And maybe you’ll thinking why your names starts with letter A?
It is because you’re my first and top priority.
Your mom.
P.S. You all know that I love you so much. That’s the one thing I don’t need to confess.
